If you can make a machine that is controlled by thought, then obviously you must have a machine that only reads minds. If a machine exists that reads minds then we are about to enter an era of networked brain power. Technology will advance more rapidly than ever before, until we inevitably reach the point of artificial intelligence. But what happens when we create an A.I. that has the ability to read our minds?

Many questions may be racing through your mind such as: If robots can read minds how long until they can feed thoughts into your mind? Will they even have to go that far if they can just read your mind and preemptively disrupt your intentions? How long until this completely destroys the occupation of psychic? Until then, think while you still can.

This comes at a time when Facebook is under extreme scrutiny due to its initial public offering of stocks, which will no doubt cause a shock to the proposed $1 billion they were planning to make. Combined with Facebook’s current image of a place where moms and bosses go to spy on their children and employees, you have a deadly cocktail of uncool that could see a devaluation of the website in the near future. A company that is in the business of selling eyeballs to advertisers can’t be so focused on investor demands to the point that it loses the focus of bringing a rewarding experience to the users. Just look at what happened to Myspace when they forgot what users wanted.

What we have here is a case of a company overdeveloping in an untested environment, claiming dominance because it knocked out all the other competitors, and then ruining people’s investments 5 years down the line while the founders run off to start some new bubble economy (though that last part hasn’t happened yet). As more and more advertisers realize that paid advertisements on Facebook are a waste of cash, Facebook’s status as top advertising outlet will be questioned and eventually the giant will be toppled by some other medium (or more likely, advertising budgets will be redirected back to traditional media). And with half of Americans thinking Facebook is a passing fad and the other half of Americans not trusting the site with their privacy concerns, we’re seeing the first glimpses of an unsustainable business model. Oh, and all of this is all just compounded by one of the co-founders recent announcement of expatriation, presumably so that he can sneak away with even more cash to start up a bunch of other new companies whose business models will be unsustainable.

Soon the rats at Facebook will collect their billions and then abandon the sinking ship. The old guys buy stock now will soon be left holding worthless stocks in a worthless company. All I can say is “good luck, Zuck.” I’ll just be glad when we stop having to hear the phrase “Like us on Facebook” at the end of every form of media I enjoy.

BTW, Like us on Facebook.

Hey everyone, have you heard that there’s some browser called Bing? It’s new, it’s cool, it’s got all the shit that your boring old Google can’t do! Bing does what Google don’t!

At least that’s what Microsoft wants you to think.

Bing has begun to roll out some stupid social media add-ons in an pathetic attempt to one up Google. See, Google has poorly integrated their Google+ bullshit into your Google search results and now Microsoft is playing the “me too” game by integrating Facebook and Twitter results from your friends into your searches. They want your eyes to view their ads because they see what Google did and they want a piece of the pie. And since Microsoft hasn’t pissed off Facebook and Twitter the way Google did (because they launched Google+ and locked the other guys out) they’re allowed to get away with this.

The only problem is that no one uses Bing. In addition to being a proper noun, Google is now a verb. No matter how much money Microsoft throws at advertisements, no one goes around saying “you should Bing it.” The actual numbers break down to about 67% of US users are searching via Google and only about 16% of Americans are using Bing. I guess the other 17& are using Dogpile.

The other only problem is that asking your friends for recommendations is a wholly different mental process than searching for information online. When you want to know what your friends think, you ask them. When you want to know what society at large thinks, you Google it (or search via Bing for it if you’re 16% of America). If I’m searching the internet for something specific, the last place I want to turn to is my friends that don’t know shit and aren’t the authority on the topic. Now, one of my friends might have every line of the original Star Trek TV show memorized and can recite them to me in Klingon, but when I’m looking quickly for something about Star Trek, I’m not going to ask him. I’ll search Google.

The biggest concern I have for the future of the internet is that we’re quickly becoming a society that trusts the words of our friends over real truth. As I said in my article (linked above) about Google creating an insular internet, it’s irresponsible to let people only experience their own corner of the internet. When people’s minds can be opened by things their tight nit community of friends have never been exposed to, that is the true power of the internet. Instead, we’re letting these companies warp our brains into thinking that we’re correct about this or that simply because when we search it, we see several results that think similarly to us because they’re all recommended by our friends who share our views. Exposure to a multitude of possibly conflicting opinions is the only way to let people actually think for themselves and decide which of the opinions is more correct.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying the quality of the programs NBC has produced have been shit (except for Whitney). They just suck at marketing their own programming. And they also suck at programming their own programming. Parks and Recreation is easily one of the best TV shows in the history of the medium, and now after 4 brilliant seasons, there is talk that the show will be canceled with a possible half season to wrap things up. Why? Lack of viewers. However, this show suffered greatly from being constantly tossed around the Thursday night line up. Fans of the show never had any idea when it was on. Many people who might be fans have never heard of it (simply because NBC didn’t put any sort of muscle behind marketing it outside of telling people “it’s that show that is kinda like The Office.”)

Let’s look at what AMC and HBO do with their programs. A show will start on a Sunday night and then the following Sunday it will be on at the exact same time. That 2nd episode will be brand new. In fact, every week it will be new. Reruns don’t exist in these time slots. What happens when a show finishes its season? Some other show will start its season. This staggered approach to programming is quickly becoming the norm, replacing the need for running reruns. Instead of having Mad Men and the Walking Dead running concurrently, each season starts at different times of the year, gets through its entire run, and fans know exactly when and where to catch their favorite programming. They’re establishing a core audience of their programs simply by saying “at this time on every Sunday, there will be an awesome, new TV show to watch.” The genius is in the simplicity. Over complicating things with extensive line up shifting and time slot rearrangement leads to a drop in viewership, and that’s exactly why NBC is suffering.

NBC is like a crack addict. They got addicted to having sitcoms being their big Thursday night hit and they flew too high and too fast in the 80s and 90s. Now they’re constantly retreading the same formulas, looking for the highs they used to get but being unable to attain them. And since they can’t reach those unattainable levels anymore with what they are used to, they are going to be giving their Thursday nights a major overhaul, with brand new untested shows, similar to how a crack addict might try heroin to get back to that high.

What they don’t realize that they’re just shooting themselves in the foot. Current fans of their programming will leave, feeling betrayed by a network that will just axe any show that is developing any sort of a following and new fans will not come in because their new content just plain blows. NBC’s new programs include a Washington DC “comedy” called 1600 Penn starring that old troll Jenna Elfman who hasn’t been able to catch a break since Dharma and Greg ended. Another new show stars the perma-scowler Matthew Perry, who is in a similar boat as Elfman due to him never being funny once in his entire career. Obviously these two have a failed sitcom under their belts for a reason: it’s very very rare to recreate the successes of an old show by casting some former celebrity as the main character. Expecting a successful show from either of these washed up former celebrities is actually their safe bet though: rounding out the bill of new shows for next season is some bullshit about an animal doctor — because you know what has the staying power and audience drawing potential of a show like Seinfeld? Monkeys in lab coats.

I know NBC is trying hard to bail out water, but at this point, nothing is going to save them. It’s been suggested by Tears of Time writer EAD Kate that American viewing habits have shifted. Reality TV shows are basically the only original content on any cable network these days and as a TV show producer, if you can get the writing and acting budget down to nothing but still retain the same ratings, this is a no-brainer decision. Additionally, we have so much content to view online from the new original content creators of our generation that most people feel trapped by rigid networks, locking them into times and locations of when and where they’re allowed to enjoy something. Personally I hope that we can continue to see traditional scripted programming on TV in the future, but I’m not holding my breath. Here’s to the eventual internet cries for a Parks and Recreation movie and the subsequent promises of that movie by NBC along with the ultimate denial that such a project is in the works. The captain goes down with the ship.

Apparently all of her children were in-vitro fertilization, which means that she actively had to pay for elective procedures that created 6 children, most of which were generated after she was separated (and eventually divorced) from her husband who wanted no part in her mad science. And after 6 successful attempts at children, her appetite for human souls still wasn’t sated. She demanded a procedure that would yield her 8 additional children in a maneuver that clearly must have called for a cat-to-human womb transplant.

She’s also apparently been out of work for the past decade (which obviously further adds on to her irresponsibility) most likely because she’s had to operate a god damn daycare out of her house. 13 out of 14 of her children were born when she was single and unemployed. All the while, she’s been collecting disability and reaping the tax benefits of having 14 dependents. She’s a shrewd businesswoman who has discovered the loophole to getting free stuff is to just have an insane amount of babies and milk the system for everything (just as her tits are no doubt milked of all of their milk) so it should come as no surprise that she is now filing for bankruptcy.

Octomom says she wants “a fresh start” with this bankruptcy. Sure that will be a big black eye on her credit, but she’ll just be able to turn around and keep buying clothes and food for her 14 pussy demons. I’m actually kind of surprised that she hasn’t gotten creative with her bookkeeping, to create the Octomom Corp where in she can transfer her debt to a shell corporation, let that go insolvent, and then continue writing herself a paycheck to get further in-vitro fertilization procedures. But maybe I shouldn’t give her any ideas.

Octomom, you’ve dug your grave, now lie in it. I hope you drown beneath the sea of your own hubris (along with literal suffocation beneath sea of babies).

A bunch of nerds have estimated that within this century, 50-90% of all languages will be extinct, so they’re actively trying to preserve them all online. This might sound awesome to linguists who would love to study this crap, but it’s exactly this crap that’s preventing us from joining forces as the human culture. Examining what divides us and preserving those divisions online forever will only serve to stop progress. Instead, people need to be looking at what unites us across the arbitrary walls we’ve set up through centuries of misunderstandings. We need to let the dying languages die and the stronger languages will prevail. This is linguistic Darwinism.

I don’t care if English is the language that is selected as the global language or if it’s Mandarin or Hindi or Swahili. It doesn’t really matter. What does matter is that a choice needs to be made and that choice needs to be implemented across the board in all schools in the entire world. In 20 years time, we can have a greater understanding of humanity as the old people die out (and their languages die with them) and all the young people actually understand each other.

Let the linguists translate all of the ancient texts of the world to the chosen language so that Chinese people can read Beowulf and the Americans can read The Puranas and the Portuguese people can read Ogboju Odẹ Ninu Igbo Irunmalẹ. Let’s get all of the historical and literary concepts together in one language, teach everyone everything, and not divide up into subcultures of the human race.

The Adventures of Tintin is a tie in game released to coincide with the film of the same name directed by Steven Spielberg. Most of the time, these licensed title video games are just complete rubbish, rushed out the door quickly in an attempt to make a quick buck, but Tintin is different. It actually is capable of sticking to the plot of the film while being entertaining in its own right. That being said, it’s not without its problems.

Let’s start with the good. Tintin is a platformer at its heart, similar to the old Prince of Persia games or possibly some of the Rayman Origins. Tintin navigates elaborately constructed mansions, underground tunnels, boats, etc by jumping, climbing, wall jumping, pressing switches, fighting guards, and solving simple puzzles. The game has the tendency to use cartoon logic, giving enemies shields made from umbrellas or having a banana peel simultaneously be a weapon and the most slippery substance on the planet. Personally I enjoyed this style as I thought it was reflective of the source material, but it might be a little too “cutesy” for older players who have a stick up their ass and want to go back to playing Carl of Duty: Black Cops. The music is treat, the voice acting is superb, and of course the world of Tintin is reproduced splendidly, however I think most of this has to do with the developer working closely with the concepts laid out in the film’s assets.

The game starts to suffer when it jumps away from the 2D realm into the third dimension. Occasionally there will be sections in airplanes or on motorcycles that are just tired old tropes of the video game world where an endless stream of bad guys in other motor cycles are inexplicably chasing the protagonists. These parts aren’t terrible, but they felt tacked on and left me waiting to get back to the platforming.

Later on the game does get kind of awful when Tintin meats up with Captain Haddock. This isn’t to say that I didn’t like Captain Haddock. Quite the contrary, he’s one of my favorite characters. But whenever he’d tell a story about his ancestor, the game would shift to Captain Haddock’s ancestor’s perspective, letting players fight in the middle of a pirate battle. This sounds cool in theory, but in practice, it was a nightmare. The game becomes an on-rails sword fighting mess that sees the left control stick now operating the captain’s sword arm rather than the traditional “move around” function normally relegated to it. Additionally, the sword fighting just keeps going on and on for no reason, often times reusing identical pirate character models for two distinct pirates who are fighting side by side. That’s just lazy and unnecessary. Also, Haddock will regularly reference his dead ancestor, so these sections come back again and again.

While these diversions from the 2D platforming do help to break up Tintin‘s pacing, they don’t offer much in terms of value. The goal was obviously to make the game feel like it had a lot of action in it, replicating the experience of the movie, but the final result was just a lot of rehashing of what we’ve come to expect from other games that are attempting to copy Hollywood action flicks. Though the platforming sections make up the bulk of the game, there’s just too much of the other crap in there. Most of the time I spent with this game made me wish I was watching the film instead. But despite that, if you find yourself with a few hours to kill, Tintin might make a nice distraction.

Score: 6/10 (It’s probably one of the best licensed games ever made.)

I wonder what it’s like to be her because she has to work so closely with fattening foods, yet because of her status as a TV celebrity, she is never able to indulge. This must be her version of a restrained pedophile working at a summer camp. Always getting close enough to taste, but never doing so. All of the posed shots of her eating a miniscule portion of the meals shes prepared might be adding up — she has to be ever watchful of her figure. She must wake up in a cold sweat from a nightmare in which a chocolate cake is eating her (and vice versa).

She’s been a TV host for almost a decade, but eventually she will not be photogenic any more and she will have to retire. I fully suspect her to finally go on the epic eating binge that she’s always dreamed of, gain 500 pounds, and die of a heart attack immediately after.

A few months ago, the British phone hacking scandal was one of the most talked about stories in the world, but how much coverage did it get in America? Zero. The only places you could hear about it were on comedy news programs like the Daily Show or via the internet where YouTube users had posted news stories for the world to see. The story was just inexplicably a non-news event for the American media. I’m assuming it’s because sex “scandals” like this Secret Service thing have top priority.

Do you know why this isn’t anyone’s business? Because who gives a shit if security firms or soldiers are getting their dicks wet when they’re off duty. Is next week’s headline going to be: “BREAKING: Vietnam Soliders Admit to Soliciting Prostitutes 40 Years After the Fact.”? Of course it won’t. Because no one cares and everyone assumes that people have sex.

There’s only two possible scenarios where this would be newsworthy. 1) All of the Secret Service agents would have been married, in which case it’s only a personal matter and has no reflection on their ability to perform their duties. 2) The Secret Service agents would have to have been receiving blowjobs while actively protecting the president, thereby causing them to be distracted from their duties. And this is really the only one that is worthy of news. Because, let’s face it, you’d have to have balls of steel to think you can have sex while defending the president.

But in the real story, here’s how it goes: these guys work in highly stressful situations and they need to blow off steam at the end of the day. Partying with strippers and prostitutes is just part of the job. And they work in shifts too, which means that when they’re off the clock, they can exercise their cocks. No where in any of the stories that I read did it mention anything regarding these strippers and prostitutes preventing Secret Service agents from doing their jobs. And as long as they’re performing their jobs, that’s all that matters.

This isn’t news.

The problem with this kind of thing is really in the details.  Apparently just before her death, Lopes was attempting to distance herself from the rest of TLC, claiming that she was the real reason people were buying their albums.  She released a solo album internationally that did poorly and it was never officially released in America due to that fact.  It never might have crossed any one’s mind however to consider that the 90s R&B style of music might just be a fad that was fading out of relevance around this same time period.

Unfortunately Lopes died at this same time too so we could never see a TLC without her because the group went on hiatus soon after her death.  We’ll never know how good or bad they might have been without her or if she would have even wanted her image and vocals used in this hologram fashion (or if she would have wanted to be a part of the group 10 years later).  Instead, fans of TLC get to be transported to a fantasy nostalgia time where there was no fighting between group members, no egos, and where they were still making money.  Holo-pes will dance and sing to the delight of fans who are quick to gloss over the details and who only remember that some one who sang a song they used to like is now being re-created with special effects for a few hours.  If only it weren’t so contrived and, well…hollow.

This book changed my life. I was at a crossroads — unsure of where to turn, not knowing how much longer I could last. I thought the Lord had turned his back on me, until I read the words he laid in front of me. They came to me in a vision, unencumbered by fear or doubt. In fact they were written clear as day, in this very book..

You might be asking yourself how a book can save you; I know I was. The truth is I wasn’t reading it on purpose. I came across this book in the bathroom of an acquaintance who had never read it. He won it in a contest. I was trying to waste time in the bathroom so that I could rob his house after he left. I knew he had to leave for work soon and would have no problem letting me stay there after he had left. I was drunk out of my mind on Jameson and I had to take a huge dump anyway. Unfortunately for me, there wasn’t any toilet paper left. Then I saw this book sitting on the floor, covered in old semen stains. I picked it up and read a few pages because I wanted to see what I was about to wipe my ass with. The book described this exact scenario of me picking it up to wipe my ass with its pages. It was hauntingly specific in its depiction of the encounter.

Before long I was reconsidering my entire life. Everything I had known up until that point had been something possibly foretold by this very book you hold in your hand. I would later find out that this book is only distributed in a fashion to have an ultimate destination of bathroom floors. Nonetheless, at the time I was rather impressed by its ability to tell my fate and believed the words I was reading to be true. Even to this day, they are still true. And yes, Dear Reader, so you too should believe them.

The words were right and the words were good. I went on reading the entire book, enjoying every passage and paragraph. Each sentence was more beautiful than the last. There were brand new words I had never even heard of, I can only assume how much more meaningful this book would have been if I was more literate. It might behoove you, Dear Reader, to carry around a dictionary with you when reading this book so as to help increase your vocabulary and your understanding of the deeper meaning of these mighty words. You can learn much from the words and wisdom of this book.

In our modern times, the term “epic” is tossed around much too lightly, but no other single adjective can properly describe this book. It’s like witnessing God. You really can’t ever be told the true meaning of the words without seeing it as a whole, and even if you were capable of seeing the whole thing all at once, your head might explode. Humans lack the capacity to even comprehend the powers contained within this book, but Dear Reader, I wish you the best of luck.

I couldn’t believe how my life was changing over the course of reading this book. I left more than just a dump in that toilet, I left a wreck. A wreck of a man. The book had taught me the honor of wiping my ass with paper, regardless of its content. These days I wipe my ass with nothing but copies of this book. Unless a sequel has been written since the printing of this testimonial, then I will likely update to wiping my ass exclusively with that book. Nothing is fine enough for my asshole except for paper with the words of this godless author.

Women respect a man with power and this book will teach you how to achieve that power, if only for a moment. That’s all it takes to trap a woman in your web of lies. They appreciate a good lie as much as the next person, but nothing sets a woman’s loins on fire like a lie so big, she herself could not believe it. The techniques are so obvious once mastered, I couldn’t believe how easy it was to lie to beautiful women — or to get them to lie down with me.

I told them I was an important businessman from the city. Which city did not matter. When they asked why I was taking them to my parents house I convinced them that I wanted to show them off to my parents immediately. Women don’t even realize that this is a lie because they are so self-centered. That’s a free tip the book taught me, which I am relaying to you, and you can find out more by reading on, Dear Reader. A woman lied to is like a deer in headlights, just seconds from the kill. Helpless to stop the agonizingly brutal attack you will deliver into her pussy. Like a tractor trailer delivering old meat into some sort of tunnel. A good lie turns your parents’ garage into her wildest dreams. But you’re getting ahead of me, slow down and let me tell you the history of this sacred text.

This book is the work of kings. Their blood and sweat are poured into every page of this regal tome, passed down from generation to generation by only the most able bodied, the most wise, and the most just. By reading, you are no doubt the descendant of power and fine heritage. Wise wizards have failed to decipher the codes, and have subsequently died in their vain attempts at figuring it out, for no other reason than failure to decipher the page about how to not die while deciphering the code. What might appear to be puzzling pictograms to others are laid before you, as plain as the common tongue for your enhanced eyes. This obviously speaks to your superior genetics and strong moral fibre.

You must not fail to buy a book, so it may as well be this one — it is a smart investment. Not some phony investment like gold or silver. Invest in yourself. Ancient texts other than this book profess false rumors and hearsay that one must “buy low and sell high” or “find out where people are moving and buy land” or other such hogwash. Believe none of it. This book will empower you to believe in more than simple money earning strategies. When you have the power of yourself, you are unstoppable. Bet on yourself and you will always bet on a winner.

One must look no further than the pages of this book to gaze in wonderment at the all knowing majesty that is the world. To read its pages is to know the truth of all things, the secrets of the universe, and where you lost your keys after last night’s party (they’re in your other pants, duh). If you hope to fully understand the ominous messages of this book, you must read it fully, taking in every last gory detail until your eyes bleed and your asshole also bleeds. You must release yourself to the will of the book, letting go of your most fundamental aspects of your being.

Accept no substitute for this book: it cannot be replicated or copied. In fact, this is the only copy of this book in existence. It’s leathery hide was forged from the skin of unwashed slaves and its pages written in the blood milked from ten thousand virgins’ menstruations. The souls of the dead have given their lives to this book so that you might be able to read and comprehend its ancient evil message.

My mother used to tell me I would never amount to anything. She’s dead now, and I still live on. If only she knew how to read, she could have also benefited from this magical work. If she’s so smart, how come she’s dead?

I had a “rich dad” and a “poor dad” when I was younger. Dad was rich when it came to buying the love of cheap whores, but poor when I needed him at any time. They were both gay lovers and I’m pretty sure one of them was the other’s pimp. I never could tell which was which though. One time they took me aside and said “son, someday this kingdom will be yours for the taking, ” to which I replied,“That day is today,” as I slit his throats. You see, the secret to power is claiming it for yourself through any means necessary. I learned a very important lesson that day and it was a lesson I taught myself, just as I am teaching myself the wisdom of this book right now by reading it for the first time after I picked it up on the bathroom floor that time.

So stop reading this book and go buy this book. The door to success is locked, and the map to the key is in this book. Not only is it in the book, it is the physical book itself. The book is also the doorway to success and the key and the map. It is all of these things in one, such is its power. Just as you have the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit all occupying the same deity of God, so too do you have the doorway, the key, and the map all contained within the power and the majesty of this tome.

The book is literally shaped like a key is what I’m trying to say. And if you bend it just right, it will fit into itself. I hope you are tiny so you can fit through that hole. I could only fit my dick through the hole. But the power it bestowed upon me from that simple act of fucking the book opened my eyes in new ways that I never could have imagined. So too you must fuck this book. Then leave it stained with semen on a bathroom floor for the next person to pick up and wipe his ass with. The 1970s jizz-to-ass transference is part of this book’s power.

Tune in next week for more of “How to Get Money and Subsequently Confidence and Ultimately Women!”

What I want to know is why this has taken so long to put together. We’re currently living in a world that has seen more Tupac albums released after his death than when he was alive. Almost as many films starring the rapper have been released post-death as were released pre-death. What took so long to get his holo-ass back on stage? I guess the motion capture puppetry combined with the video game graphics (with an intentional glowing sheen to make him appear to be spectral) did take a few years to develop, but we’re living in a post-Return of the King world where visuals of this nature should be simple to put together. If you ask me, they should have pulled this stunt back in 2006, right on the 10 year anniversary of Tupac’s death.

The best part about bringing Tupac back to life is that this is clearly just science’s way of testing out the waters before they bring back Jesus (also in hologram form). Imagine if you will, a world where it’s the norm to have computer generated avatars of dead celebrities with realistic AI personalities, prancing around on stage, on TV, and in your homes. Inevitably some one will recommend a Holo-Christ, but this will be dismissed on the basis of it being sacrilegious. Hell, that recommendation might have been made already. And then Holo-Pac was the backup suggestion. It’s only a matter of time before we see these people being digitally resurrected and then it’s only a matter of time beyond that before we have Holo-Christ.

So get ready for the Cyber-Rapture.