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Scorsese + Clinton + HBO = Something Your Liberal Co-Workers Will Discuss Loudly

Legendary filmmaker Martin Scorsese is partnering with HBO to produce and direct a documentary about Bill Clinton with the former president’s full support and assistance. The program is expected to be similar to last year’s 41 which chronicled the presidency of George H. W. Bush. As to be expected from HBO and Bill Clinton, the

Tom Hanks Says “Fuck” on TV, USA Goes Insane

In a barely fucking audible clip that was obscured by an accent, Tom Hanks said “fuck” on live TV. Because no one has ever heard that fucking word before, this created a huge fucking controversy for which the actor was immediately sorry, despite the fact that the clip I linked to includes a warning that

“Celebrity” Death Recap – September 2012

Here at Tears of Time, we often report on celebrity deaths but things are getting ridiculous – they just keep dropping like flies. These celebrities are dying so fast that we can’t keep up with all of them. Either that or we’ve never heard of them, so their celebrity status is called into question. Rather

Midseason Replaced: A Look at Fall 2012′s New TV Shows

Published by in 2012, tv on September 27th, 2012

As with last year, we are again working with TV Guide’s list of new shows for this Fall season, to make our picks for shows that will have the staying power to make it through at least their first season. This is not a list of our own personal watching habits (because seriously, who has

BYNES WATCH 2012: Retirement Edition

Jesus Horatio Christ — Bynes Baby is at it again. The media is preporting all kinds of ludicrous allegations these days about my girl Amanda B. and I’m sick of it. Now they’re saying she stripped down to her bra in the middle of a crowded gym and her entourage is jumping ship. Wow, people,

BYNES WATCH 2012: Lohan Strikes Back Edition

BYNES WATCH 2012 is heating up, bros. After all kinds of media bias and biggotry against drinkers who also like to be drivers, shots have been fired at the Bynescycle by professional crack whore LINDSAY LOHAN in a recent Twitter post that seems to indicate some bitter ribaldry between the two adult child actresses. Lohan,

AMANDA BYNES WATCH 2012: Tacos & Light Bulbs Edition

What up bros, I got some fresh deats about my home girl AMANDA BYNES and her troubles with the law. After getting her license suspended on some trumped up charges, Amanda Baby just had to go on a little joy ride to calm her nerves. You know how it is, dudes — hop in the

46 Years of Star Trek Is The Only Important Thing In The World Today

Published by in tech, tv on September 7th, 2012

Apparently we just celebrate any old anniversary these days. Google redid their logo to celebrate the 46th anniversary of Star Trek and apparently that is a newsworthy event. What’s so special about 46? Did some one forget last year when 45 was upon us? Did they jump the gun on the 50th? And if not,

STOP THE FUCKING PRESSES: Amanda Bynes’ Driver’s License Suspended

Holy shit dudes, did you hear that AMANDA BYNES’ DRIVER’S LICENSE HAS BEEN SUSPENDED?!?!! I can’t even believe it! This is seriously the most important news of the day. Like, seriously.

Hyperbolic Journalists Need to Be Fired

Published by in tv on September 5th, 2012

Some one at the Seattle Post Intelligencer needs to be fired, and my money is on Sadie Gennis. It was revealed today that MTV would be rescheduling their broadcast of their Video Music Awards so as not to fight for ratings against Obama’s speech at the DNC this Thursday night. Sadie Gennis, writer for the

The Korn/DBZ Enthusiasts’ Diary, February 26th, 2006

Published by in music, tv on August 27th, 2012

What follows is an unedited excerpt from a LiveJournal account maintained by a fan of the band Korn and the anime Dragon Ball Z.

“Celebrity” Death Recap – August 2012

Here at Tears of Time, we often report on celebrity deaths but things are getting ridiculous – they just keep dropping like flies. Many celebrities are dying so fast that we can’t keep up with all of them. Either that or we’ve never heard of them, so their celebrity status is called into question. Rather

It’s Official, Peter Jackson Lost His Mind

Published by in books, movies, tv on July 30th, 2012

Today Peter Jackson announced that he would be expanding his vision of The Hobbit from 2 films to 3. Wait, what? This man wants to turn one book that was written at a children’s reading level into three movies? Let’s pause for a moment to reflect on just how far down the rabbit hole we

DEAD: Sherman Hemsley

This Jeffersons star is now movin’ on up to that deluxe apartment in the sky — this time for real.

DEAD: Ernest Borgnine

Jesus Christ, look at those eyebrows.

Review: Louie

Published by in review, tv on July 7th, 2012

Format: Television Starring: Louis C.K. Network: FX I’ve been hearing great things about the show Louie, and since the stand up of Louis C.K. is usually pretty good, I decided to see what all the hype was about. Will Louie live up to the name that Louis has created for himself through tens and tens

CANCELED: The Andy Griffith Show

Now that the lead star of the critically acclaimed ongoing reality show has perished, his show has been appropriately canceled. This cancellation comes after 6 years of stagnant material and a declining fanbase, most directly a result of the departure of series regular Don Knotts. Look for reruns on TBS, along with the regular airings

Don’t Watch This Trash: Charlie Sheen – Anger Management

Published by in tv on June 28th, 2012

It should go without saying that a cable TV show based off of a bad movie shouldn’t exist, but in their infinite trial and error approach to producing television shows, the executives at the FX network have given Charlie Sheen one last desperate shot at relevancy with the premiere of tonight’s new show Anger Management.

DEAD: Yvette Wilson

I’m not sure if it’s worth writing a story on Tears of Time about this.

On the Frivolous Nature of Awards Shows

Published by in movies, music, tv on May 29th, 2012

Award shows by their definition have always been superfluous affairs that give unnecessary praise to celebrities in order to placate their massive egos, all under the guise of a competition. What they really are is a trick to get ratings for channels that no one watches any more. But the Oscars, the Grammys, and the

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