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“Celebrity” Death Recap – September 2012

Here at Tears of Time, we often report on celebrity deaths but things are getting ridiculous – they just keep dropping like flies. These celebrities are dying so fast that we can’t keep up with all of them. Either that or we’ve never heard of them, so their celebrity status is called into question. Rather

DEAD: Michael Clarke Duncan

He was in some motion pictures and now he will only be in still pictures. Because he is a lifeless corpse.

“Celebrity” Death Recap – August 2012

Here at Tears of Time, we often report on celebrity deaths but things are getting ridiculous – they just keep dropping like flies. Many celebrities are dying so fast that we can’t keep up with all of them. Either that or we’ve never heard of them, so their celebrity status is called into question. Rather

DEAD: Tony Scott

The guy who is most famous for being Ridley Scott’s brother, as well as being the director of Top Gun, has committed suicide by jumping off of a bridge. Interestingly enough, 20 years from now the Chinese military will use footage from Tony Scott’s funeral in a demonstration of their air force training drills.

DEAD: Sherman Hemsley

This Jeffersons star is now movin’ on up to that deluxe apartment in the sky — this time for real.

DEAD: Ernest Borgnine

Jesus Christ, look at those eyebrows.

CANCELED: The Andy Griffith Show

Now that the lead star of the critically acclaimed ongoing reality show has perished, his show has been appropriately canceled. This cancellation comes after 6 years of stagnant material and a declining fanbase, most directly a result of the departure of series regular Don Knotts. Look for reruns on TBS, along with the regular airings

DEAD: Nora Ephron

Let’s face it — the only reason you’re reading this sentence right now is because blogs and social media have decided to mention a quasi famous person on the day they no longer exist. Nora Ephron’s cliche ridden screenplays didn’t better anyone’s life. Plus, if you’ve even seen any of her movies, you probably had

EXTINCT: Galapagos Tortoise (Pinta Island Subspecies)

Lonesome George, the last known living Galapagos tortoise of the Pinta Island subspecies took a trip to Davy Jones’ locker. He was the last of his subspecies, which means they are officially extinct. Time to put another notch on your belt, industrialists!

DEAD: Rodney King

I guess he wasn’t a very good swimmer.

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DEAD: Yvette Wilson

I’m not sure if it’s worth writing a story on Tears of Time about this.

DEAD: Ray Bradbury

It seems that his earlier stance reversal was really just a ploy to pay for his eventual medical bills and funeral, and now that he has died, his estate can flood the market with movies, TV shows, and video games based on his works. No need to burn all the books when you can just

DEAD: Ween

After 25 years of rocking, the only true alternative band is calling it quits due to irreconcilable differences with regards to how fucked up a band member is allowed to be while performing. On a personal note, I’m glad I got to see them perform last year while they were still a band — one

DEAD: Doc Watson

Rest in peace you old blind bastard.

DEAD: Eugene J. Polley

The inventor of the first wireless remote controlled television has died, probably due to laziness related reasons. Should this guy’s work be praised? Sure, but let’s face it: some one else would have likely come up with the same concept eventually, if they’d have just gotten off their ass and done it.

DEAD: Robin Gibb

You were always the weakest of the Bee Gees and you never escaped from the shadow of your older brother Barry.

DEAD: Donna Summer

In a move to sell more records, Donna Summer is now dead.

DEAD: Vidal Sassoon

Why is it that the supposedly fashion forward people always look like twats who can’t dress themselves, and the people responsible for ridiculous hair styles have the most bland hair styles ever?

DEAD: Carroll Shelby

Legendary car designer, racer, and chicken farmer Carroll Shelby has died from death related reasons. Now Nicholas Cage can’t ruin any more of his cars.

DEAD: Maurice Sendak

Child author and professional grouchy old man Maurice Sendak is dead and he didn’t ever tell us where the wild things were.

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