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Facebook & Instagram Just Want to Piss Off Everybody

Published by in 2012, tech on December 18th, 2012

If the impending apocalypse hasn’t gotten you fired up yet, you can instead look forward to the forthcoming tech-pocalypse. In a wham-bam two pronged attack on its users, Facebook and Facebook owned Instagram have decided that their efforts at pissing off every single person on the planet need to be doubled down. Call it a

“Gangnam Style” Claims Its First Victim

The worldwide smash hit song “Gangnam Style” has seen many imitators of its signature horse dance since it enveloped the world in a tight embrace this past summer, but now it has its first confirmed kill. Eamonn Kilbride, 46, of Blackburn, UK was performing the dance at a holiday party when he met his untimely

Obama Wins, The Machine Keeps on Spinning

After you had no effect whatsoever on the election, Obama has retained the keys to the kingdom for another 4 years, and Mitt Romney’s carcass has been dragged through the streets of Washington DC in ritualistic celebration. All of the praying that religious conservatives did had absolutely no effect. All of the trendy social media

Don’t Vote — Stay Home

As America goes out to make a surface level choice for its president, the safest thing you can do today is to stay home and not vote. Not voting is your right as an American. Indifference towards a decision process that is superficial at best is what your ancestors fought and died for. A jaded

Midseason Replaced: A Look at Fall 2012′s New TV Shows

Published by in 2012, tv on September 27th, 2012

As with last year, we are again working with TV Guide’s list of new shows for this Fall season, to make our picks for shows that will have the staying power to make it through at least their first season. This is not a list of our own personal watching habits (because seriously, who has

EXCLUSIVE: Leaked iPhone 5 Stats

Everyone is abuzz wondering what the new iPhone 5 will be like in anticipation of tomorrow’s announcement, but you can read about the features early in this Tears of Time exclusive. Through our anonymous sources inside of Apple, we have been alerted to highly detailed specifications of the iPhone 5. We have a deep understanding

Al Gore’s Sexy New Beard

Al Gore is pretending to not like the electoral college in an attempt to allow reporters to photograph his sexy new beard. Feigning a newfound interest in ending the system that denied him the presidency, Gore was quick to pose for photographers, letting them capture his beard from dramatic angles. Looking more like Ron Swanson

Years of Time, Volume 1

Ooops, we had our first anniversary last week and we forgot to even mention it. That’s right fuckers, this site has been in operation for a year and we have no signs of slowing down. Though we don’t have any specific plans for an online party to celebrate (because that would be super lame) we

OUT: Newt Gingrich

In a move that surprises absolutely no one, Newt Gingrich has decided to suspend his book tour.  To tell the truth, we honestly forgot this guy was even running.  So now it’s officially a 2-man race as Paul seems to be in it for the long haul and Romney/Obama are just two sides of the

ALIVE: Hologram Tupac to Go On Tour, Ushers in Cyber-Rapture

After 16 years of raping the ever-loving shit out of the image of Tupac Shakur, Tupac’s Shakur’s Estate is finally considering allowing the recently unveiled Hologram Tupac out on tour with Snoop and Dre. With the added AI component, Holo-Pac will be able to interact with the crowds at his shows in completely original ways

OUT: Rick Santorum

With heavy hearts, we bid farewell to our beloved Rick Santorum and his confused attitudes towards everything that America stands for. We wish him the best and hope that he can fill our lives with mirth and wonderment in 4 years when he nostalgically mistakes his small successes in the 2012 campaign for general interest

You Haven’t Heard? We’re in Hell Already

Published by in 2012, tv on February 21st, 2012

I’m pretty sure that the world has ended and that the seamless transition into Hell has already occurred. It actually happened just a few days ago but no one really noticed. 5.79 million people were looking right at it, but they didn’t even realize what they were seeing. We now live in a world with

Deep Wing Discussess: The State of the Union Address

Welcome to the first official Deep Wing discussion. Deep Wing is live coverage of a topic by several Tears of Time Editors, giving you the deepest insights from the broadest range of wings. We will begin posting regarding the State of the Union Address around 8:45 PM Eastern, 7:45 PM CST. Hit refresh every few

Tonight: Deep Wing Discusses “The State of the Union Address”

Tonight at 9 PM Eastern/8 PM Central (and you can do the math to figure out whatever other time zone you’re in), the “President” will be addressing the union with information about its current status. Most of you reading this probably had no idea this was evening happening tonight. Tears of Time will be Deep

Media Bias and the Boneheaded Establishment Attempt to Halt the Progress of Ron Paul

According to the bean counters at the Pew Research Center, if Ron Paul went 3rd party he would split the Repiblican vote. This information was skewed by USA Today as they are attempting to trick people into not voting for Ron Paul. They’re presenting the story as “a vote for a 3rd party will ensure

The Internet On Strike

Almost the entire internet will shut down in protest of the SOPA and PIPA bills currently in congress today, most from the hours of 8am to 8pm. Wikipedia feels so strongly about this that they have decided to shut down the English version of the site for a full 24 hours. Since the majority of

BREAKING NEWS! Earthquake Hits Indonesia, Prompts Tsunami Warning

According to our field reporters at our offshore holdings company in Indonesia, an earthquake has rocked and shocked that nation like the Emancipation Proclamation. The quake was a magnitude of 7.3 on the Richter scale and it happened about 260 miles off of the coast. While this doesn’t pose much threat in terms of the

The End Times, Yo

Yo so I was chillin’ with the brosephs and brosephines over behind the liquor store, just passin’ the blunt, poppin’ off shots in the air when I overheard some lady talking about “The End Times.” I ain’t read the Bible, but I think I saw something about this in an Arnold Schwarzeneger movie. Shit kinda

Abolish the Political Machine.

Too long have we stood back and watched as we are given two practically identical candidates to choose from. Political parties have stolen the liberty from our own country by collecting massive amounts of money to promote their own agendas regardless of what the population actually wants. It’s time to take a stand against politicians

1st Caucus Over, Let the Spin Party Begin!

Now that Perry and Bachmann have dropped like flies and Huntsman didn’t even care about the result, we’re now in the inevitable time of post-Iowa Caucus spin.  There was a 3 way split between Iowa Republicans and many publications are already calling for a Santorum victory as president despite the fact that he only beat

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