Not content to let the younger generation of one-note celebrity drug addicts get all of the spotlight, Fiona Apple has stepped up her game by getting arrested for possession of hash in Sierra Blanca, TX. It’s a little sad because, despite the fact that I’ve lived in Texas my whole life, I’ve never even heard of Sierra Blanca. How do you even get arrested there? A Google Maps search shows us that Sierra Blanca is the first town outside of El Paso on the way back towards civilization. I suppose if she just scored some Mexican drugs across the border, she might be carrying while on her way through Texas, but aren’t these famous people supposed to have members of their entourage that will take the fall for this kind of thing? Couldn’t she pass her drugs off to her publicist or whoever right as they are getting pulled over? I guess when you’re high, you’re not thinking straight and you can’t remember to stash the hash.

This really brings to the forefront the bigger issue of why celebrities keep getting in trouble. Part of me is glad that the police aren’t showing favoritism to famous people who want to act like animals, but at the same time, why are they acting like animals? What is causing their drug fueled breakdowns? With Bynes and Lohan, the answer is obvious: their very public transition into adulthood and their vast wealth, coupled with the pressures of remaining relevant in a world that no longer has a use for them, is causing these girls to feel like they are invincible. But with Apple, the story is different. She’s always presented herself with the strung out hipster weirdo chick vibe, which apparently was not very far from the truth.

I wonder if she’s feeling like a criminal.