So like apparently some dude just ran up in a movie theater that was screening The Dark Knight Rises and shot up the place. Not cool, bro. So not cool. Now my mom won’t let me go see the movie with my buds even though they caught the guy and he doesn’t even live in my state! WTF mom?!?
Word around the campfire is that he was rockin’ 4 guns, some tear gas, and a bullet proof vest. Actually, that is a pretty sweet arsenal if you ask me, but shooting people is wrong, man. Shoot all the ducks and deer you want (during the appropriate season and with a proper license) but never point your gun at a person, not even an airgun or a Red Ryder. You’ll shoot your eye out.
How could you do it, bro? And why didn’t you do it in a movie like Madea’s Witness Protection? I didn’t even want to see that one so my mom can ground me from that one all she wants I don’t give a fuck. I feel sorry for the victims too and genuinely angry that I wasn’t there to execute this guy myself. I mean, who does this shit?
You gotta ask yourself if you feel safe even going to the movies. I mean, concealed handguns are probably being carried by just about every person in all of the theaters. I’m thinking about getting my concealed handgun license so that I can go all “rogue vigilante” on motherfuckers like this James Holmes guy. That’s the Batman way, right? Shooting bad guys in the face. Fuck yeah, bro!
The biggest thing that this guy is going to accomplish though is an increase in gun control legislation. Motherfucker is going to be held up as the posterboy of what happens when guns are in the wrong hands. I mean, I agree that psychos don’t need guns, who wouldn’t? But the issue is about 15 seconds away from being political when you get Obama jumping in saying some shit. Don’t take my guns just cause of one nutcase, Obamabro. I need to defend myself AGAINST creeps like him for fuck’s sake! Maybe we should instead work on identifying people who have chemical imbalances in our country.
In closing, I’d like to make a plea to any future sociopaths that wanna bust off some shells inside of a movie theater — please don’t shoot up theaters that are screening movies I actually want to see. Now I’ll have to wait to see it on blu-ray. Thanks mom!