Ooops, we had our first anniversary last week and we forgot to even mention it. That’s right fuckers, this site has been in operation for a year and we have no signs of slowing down. Though we don’t have any specific plans for an online party to celebrate (because that would be super lame) we are instead going to provide some links to the best stories we ran over the last year. Additionally we will include some analysis of how the world has changed since we brought you these stories. So you get the blog equivalent of a clip show or greatest hits album. Lucky you! Find the stories below the break.

• The first real article on this site, our piece about Netflix users being crybabies helped set the tone of our site. Since this time, streaming video markets have spread like wildfire with services like Amazon Prime jumping into the mix, while DVD by mail businesses are getting out of the business. Clearly everyone overreacted and just switched to the $7.99/month streaming option because that’s all anyone was using anyway.
• Our series Advice From The Bathroom actually predates this website, but the first run on here was received well enough to let it continue for several weeks. The series met an untimely end though when the person who was leaving pieces of advice in my office’s bathroom quit working here and thus, inspiration ceased.
• Our first celebrity death was of course Amy Winehouse back on July 23rd of last year. We were actually late to the game to post this one, but it started our trend of becoming the first word in celebrity death. Also, who’s ready to see the stupid wave of “remembering Amy Winehouse” posts all over social media and news aggregation websites that will undoubtedly start next Monday?
• Shark Week was fucked.
• Tears of Time responded within minutes to the earthquake that devastated the east coast last August. What was once the most relevant thing in the country is now probably something that no one even remembers happening.
• We caught a lot of flack from some Facebook users for running an opinion story about the police being privatized. No word has emerged yet regarding the government’s opinion of our formal appeal, but we will bring news as it develops.
• Despite what was reported last September, the United States Postal Service did not shut down, though we’re still optimistic. #endpaper
• The Harry Potter series triggered a reaction article from us that in turn spawned its own series of sequels in “Today’s Bullshit.”
• The Occupy movements began to spread in September of last year, and look how effective they were! The hippies and opportunists have risen to the level of Call of Duty villain.
• We made several predictions about the 2011 fall television line up in our regular series, Midseason Replaced. Though the word is still out on if we were correct or not in some of our predictions, we did run an update post a few months later that proved we had a 56.7% accuracy rate.
• Courtney Love has the world’s 2nd most gaping hole.
• Steve Jobs died because he was an ignorant idiot, yet everyone in the world cried about his death anyway. Also, he was a sociopath.
• Probably one of the most ridiculous stories of last year was when a man released his entire private zoo into the wild before killing himself. What the fuck? Wait, actually that’s is awesome.
• Italy has been on the brink of bankruptcy for a pretty long time, which spawned our article about Europe For Sale. They are still in debt and they are still in prime position to bring the rest of the EU down to our level and will regain our status as a world leader by default.
• Google Music launched last November and while we were initially excited about it, it seems like it didn’t really pan out the way Google had hoped. I am pretty sure absolutely no one uses it at all. Google Drive is now out and while we didn’t write anything about it at launch, it’s already showing more promise than Google Music ever did.
• One of our most consistently popular articles regarding the cancellation of Tyler Perry’s Meet the Browns was published, and nearly a year later, people still keep coming to our site to find out if their beloved show has ended (hint: it has).
• America’s favorite pizza slangin’ politician dropped out of the presidential race with as much Pokemon fanfare as he could muster. There’s nothing funny about that — it’s cold, hard politics.
• There he goes, just riding that jet ski.
• Boarbro brought us his ominous interpretation of the end of the world that he believes will happen in December of this year. Godspeed, Boarbro.
• In opposition of SOPA/PIPA, Tears of Time “went dark”. We single handedly saved the internet.
• February was pretty much a wash for interesting news, but here’s a link to the crud we pumped out that month.
• In March, Facebook announced plans to release a standalone chat program to allow people to chat with their Facebook friends without having to run a browser window. This idea was stupid.
• Mass Effect 3 was released and crybabies everywhere cried all day and night until developer Bioware changed the ending. The revised ending DLC has since been released and crybaby fans still weren’t pleased. But let’s face it — there’s pretty much no way that it could have ended with people being happy. Fuck ‘em.
• For some reason the world was shocked by the fact that Tupac is alive in hologram form. Since the Coachella concert, the developers of the technology have promised that Elvis is next. Because Elvis is exactly what we need. This technology is actually pretty accurate in terms of depicting the essence of a soulless attempt at a cash grab.
• We began releasing our book via serialized posts. It will pretty much be the best book ever, so stay tuned for more selections from it and its eventual release in paperback.
• SpaceX began making the first commercial trips to space and they let people ride on board for $3000. But only if those people are dead. The message here is that the trick to getting to space quickly is to kill yourself.
• We posted our first interview with celebrity DJ Dieselboy. His fans got kinda angry I guess. Fuck ‘em.

And that pretty much brings us to today. Hopefully there will be more interesting things that happen in our 2012 fiscal year, but there probably won’t. We look forward to a lot more celebrities dying over the course of Year 2.