Following her recent split from husband Russell Brand, Katy Perry has announced that her next album will take on a darker tone to reflect her current mood and to be an outlet for her emotions. In abandoning her bubblegum pop appearance, Perry hopes to take a page out of the Madonna playbook by renewing her image with every subsequent album she releases. Ms. Perry, might I offer some interesting suggestions for where to take this darker album to make it as dark as possible?
The Dark Knight
After all, what is darker than the Dark Knight? You can stick with your flair for dressing up in ridiculous costumes while maintaining your stance that yes, this album is very dark. And since your ex-husband is a comedian, hiring an actor to pretend to be a combination of Brand and the Joker would be a perfect fit. You can dress up as Batman and claim hero status as compared to Brand’s villainy. Call this single “The Joke’s On You” or “The Last Laugh.” The metaphor will be lost on no one. America will still be on a Dark Knight Rises high by the time your album is released, so the marketing should line up appropriately.
What better way to capitalize on the gamer market than by casting yourself in a music video inspired by the hit series Perfect Dark? If you’re unfamiliar with it, the game stars a woman named Joanna Dark, so you can just dress up as her and people will either get it or they won’t, it doesn’t really matter. Just hold a gun and wear something skimpy and people will claim you’re a revolutionary artist.
Dark Side of the Moon/Wizard of Oz
Everyone is familiar with the fact that some stoners propagated a myth that Pink Flyod’s Dark Side of the Moon syncs up with The Wizard of Oz, so why not make a hybrid video? Think about the excellent contrast between the black and white scenes and the color scenes, as well as letting you smoke a lot of pot on camera while looking at rainbows. You’ll play Dorothy and the same actor from the Dark Knight video will play a Russell Brand/Scarecrow/Syd Barrett hybrid. He will be the straw man argument for why you are unhappy with the world. Again, a perfect metaphor. You will be so deep.
These guys have really needed another hit since I Believe in a Thing Called Love came out, so you can throw them a bone and collaborate on a track with them. The lead singer is already British and has long hair, so he will make a decent Brand-in, plus it will probably make your ex jealous, which every woman is actively trying to do.
In the article by IBN that I linked to above, Perry is quoted as saying she wished she had a time machine. Donnie Darko could time travel so let’s get up on that. At least I think that’s what happened at the end of that movie. I don’t know, it wasn’t very good, but it’s popular with the kids these days, right?
The reason this children’s film franchise appealed to adults was that it promised to be “darker” with every subsequent film that was released. People took the bait and now this is a billion dollar franchise. Cash in, baby! You’ll be either Hermione or Harry (lady’s choice) and you’ll do battle with the evil wizard Volde-Brand. People will love it because there is already a large overlap in the Venn diagram of Harry Potter fans and fans of your previous albums.
The Dark Knight Rises
BOOM! Sequel video! Nobody will be expecting it, but everybody will want it! You’ll play Batman and Catwoman and the metaphors will start to get confusing, but don’t worry about that. Just power through, you’re stronger than this. Plus, the rising in the title will suggest that you’re getting on with your life. What better time than now?