After much intense research and a great deal of revisions, we are happy to bring you selections from Part 2 of our soon to be released “How to Get Money and Subsequently Confidence and Ultimately Women.” Click this text to view part 1 in its entirety. Our publisher has advised us against releasing the full text of the book online as eventual revisions and formatting issue may arise, not to mention we don’t want you filthy internet jackals stealing our material before it’s been published. So for now, enjoy the following spinets from the book. These passages deal mostly with the first topic, getting money, and are presented out of the context of the full work. Enjoy, and look forward to more selections from “How to Get Money and Subsequently Confidence and Ultimately Women” (now confirmed to also have illustrations).
With this book in hand, you have taken a step. It might not be in the right direction, but you’ve taken a step in some direction, which is better than most people. Most people are too fat to move even one step. They just tread water their whole lives until they are too tired to keep it up and they drown in their own gluttony. You will be stronger than that, assuming you can quit being such a giant pussy and get your life together.
The true road to wealth has no map so be wary of the mapmakers. Anyone trying to sell you some product or service promising that it will make you money is just trying to make money for themselves on the product or service they sold you. It’s all a great big pyramid scheme and the people at the top are the ones that aren’t even playing the same game as you. In the game of chess, a pawn can become a queen, but it can never become a player. By reading this book and following its teachings, you will surely never escape the trappings of that game to fully realize yourself as a player in the metagame of life.
Once you’ve decided on an idea that meets these strict guidelines, you’ll be well on your way to success. But success comes at a price. Defense of success is the second step in maintaining true wealth. You have to have guns. And lawyers. In fact, if you’re not living every day of your life like a Warren Zevon song, you’re doing something horribly wrong. Lawyers and guns will help you defend your money from the werewolves of London, but you’ll also need to hire those werewolves too. Nothing says intimidation like a half lawyer/half werewolf with an uzi. And werewolves gotta eat, so you’ll need to employ a battalion of butchers who are constantly slaughtering whole nations of people to feed your werewolves’ incessant craving for flesh. But these wolfmen went to law school, so you can’t just be trying to slip them some raw meat. They have refined palettes that require the most succulent seasonings. Get ready to hire on every chef from every cooking TV show that ever existed. You’ve got troops to feed.
A lot has been said about money’s role in society and most of it is very wise. “Money is the route of happiness,” “You can’t buy evil,” and my personal favorite, “Hey Jesus, check out the 30 pieces of silver I just got!” Obviously it’s clear that money is awesome. Plus, if you have tons of silver then vampires and werewolves can pretty much suck your dick and or die. You know you want money to be able to do more stuff and I know I want you to have money so that you can buy more copies of this book. So we’re all on the same page.
Check back on Tears of Time for more updates as they become available, and also to buy copies of this book.