D-SaneApparently Dick Clark suffering a stroke will not stop CBS’s addiction to that miniscule bump in ratings that they get on the final day of every year. At this, the 40th iteration of “Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve,” viewers are scheduled to see an old man trying his damnedest to die with dignity while
Archive for:December, 2011:
Jokesmith Divorces Sing-Lady
A world still retching from their unholy union now can merely dry heave out a sigh of relief as Douche Bag and Walking Tits announce that they are splitting forces despite the staggering amount of minutes they were together. With this shocking realization, the world can now talk about them another time while soaking up
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CNN Lies To Viewers: Mitt Romney “Back On Top”
RoostexCNN recently released results from a poll in Iowa showing Mitt Romney in the number one spot, Ron Paul slipping to second, and for some reason Rick Santorum notching out Newt Gingrich for third. What they don’t tell you however is that the numbers haven’t changed at all, only the selection of people polled has
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Former Top Bachmann Supporter Now Supports Paul
Like a rat jumping from a sinking ship, Kent Sorenson has left Michelle Bachmann’s campaign in favor of the far superior Ron Paul. Realizing he was supporting a woman and a pterodactyl, Sorenson hopped on the Paul bandwagon due to his points of “being awesome” and “not being a flying dinosaur.” A woman who’s only
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Tears of Time’s Top Five Albums of the Year: 2011 Award Special
2011 was a great year for video games, but not the best year for music. While other forms of art are experiencing some of their most exciting periods in recent memory, this seems to be the twilight years of popular music. The trash of humanity like Amy Winehouse are picked up from the gutter, dusted
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Your Jesus is a Lie
Everything you’ve built your life up to revolving around Jesus is a lie, therefore your whole life is a lie. A lie built on lies. Jesus was never born, nor was he crucified, nor was he god reborn, nor was he dying for anyone’s sins. Sins don’t exist.
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Bachmann, Huntsman, and Santorum Drop Out of the GOP Primaries
Super Update: Newt Gingrich has also failed to properly submit his application for the Virginia Primary. Only former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney and Texas Congressman Ron Paul now qualify for the Virginia vote. Update: Apparently Rick Perry failed to correctly apply to be on the ballot so he has also been disqualified from further rounds. In a
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Ron Paul Takes the Lead, Gets Backlash from Fools Despite Massive Populatiry
Amid turmoil in the republican party, Congressman Ron Paul has finally taken the forefront due to his $4.3 million (and counting) money bomb that started last week and continues to push ever higher as the first primary elections approach. Naturally his haters gonna hate and republican party leaders are finally addressing him with slanderous remarks
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Always Advertisements, Yeah!
Like advertisements? Get ready to enjoy all of your favorite ads, custom tailored to an ongoing 5-year study of your habits as Facebook will begin integrating advertisements right into your Newsfeed. Now with eerie precision, advertisers will be able to directly target your interests based on the history of things you like, mention, link to,
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Everything, Relative.
Using the speed of light and relative motion, pointing two beams of light in opposing directions puts each beam at twice the speed of light in relation to each other.
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Idiots Guide to Stop Thinking So Much
BoarbroA lot of people ask me, “Hey Boarbro, how do you stop thinking so much?” Before I can even think about the answer, I am off doing other stuff. See, the key to life is to do, not think. And the key to doing is to just do it, Nike.
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Tom Cruise Ruined My Birthday
On the anniversary of the birth of a beautiful man, many fantastic things can occur. Burger King will be handing out Free Fries. Ron Paul will be celebrating the birth of the Tea Party with an epic Money Bomb. One arrogant fool, however, is attempting to ruin this magical day…
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Facebook: Zuck My Timeline
In the never ending war for the spot of Top Site On the Internet, Facebook is finally forcing everyone to convert to their new Timeline bullshit. You know how this works: it’s the same old website you’re used to except everything is arbitrarily moved around and looks different, just to fuck with you.
Tears of Time’s Top Five Games of the Year: 2011 Award Special
It’s the end of the year and like every other ‘publication’ on the planet, we’re going to be providing you with lists of our ‘favorite’ media of the year. Starting things off is the top five games of the year. With no further segue, here they are:
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Review: Ico & Shadow of the Colossus Collection
Platform: PS3 Developer: Team Ico Style: Action Adventure Two of the most critically acclaimed games from the last console generation have been remade in HD and packaged on one blu-ray disc. This is a perfect example of “just because the critics say it’s good doesn’t mean it is.”
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Crack Whore Gets Naked, Demands More Crack: Lindsay Lohan Leaked Photos
It was only a matter of time. America’s darling Marlylin Monroe wannabe has finally gotten fully naked for the enjoyment of no one due to her lack of relevancy. To get another sweet paycheck to pay for more crack, the girl from The Parent Trap remake got naked in front of a Playboy magazine photographer
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Review: New Year’s Eve
Directed by: The Guy Who Directed Runaway Bride and The Princess Diaries Starring: Too Many People You Will: Not Be Seeing This. New Year’s Eve follows the lives of like 400 “famous” people as they try to bone each other on the last night of a year. It’s the kind of melodramatic bullshit romantic comedy
There He Goes, Just Riding That Jet Ski
There he goes, just riding that jet ski. Always looking back at you while he rides away. He’s been here already. By the time you’ve even seen him, he’s off to some new waters. He is everywhere.
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“Ancient Spirits of Evil, transform this decayed form – to Madon-Na, the Ever-Living!”
In news that will be interesting to absolutely no one, the NFL has announced that they’re hiring a 53 year old former celebrity to wheel around on stage in her wheelchair. Lady Gaga Sr. will perform an uninspired montage of songs that have overstayed their welcome in humanity’s collective consciousness. At regularly scripted segments, the
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The Brag Bag
- These #sparklysandals are coming home with me. I couldn't resist. #bragbag #Burlingtoncoatfactory… http://t.co/CogwVFlCXD
(about 2 days ago)
The Question
Loading ...The Most Recent Reviews
Review: Louie by Roostex 07/07/2012
Format: Television Starring: Louis C.K. Network: FX I've been hearing great things about the show Louie, and since the stand up of Louis C.K. is usually pretty good, I decided to see what all the hype was about. Will Louie live up to...
Review: Magic Mike by EAD Kate 06/29/2012
Format: Film Starring: Channing Tatum Directed by: Steven Soderbergh I didn't really know what I expected to see when I went to the theater for the midnight showing of Magic Mike. The lobby was crammed with 40-something housewives all charged up cause they...
Review: Battleship by EAD Kate 05/29/2012
Title: Battleship Starring: Liam Neeson and some other people Based On: A god damn board game Hot guy. Explosion. Explosion. Coke Zero™. Hot guy. Explosion. Rihanna. Explosion. Explosion. Bigger explosion. Awesome explosion. Subway™. Coke Zero™. Massive explosion. Explosion. Explosion. Flag. I loved...
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