There’s a lot of information and guides out there about the best way to increase your website’s traffic, but most of it is bullshit.  People talk about social networking sites, word of mouth referrals, running pay per click ads on Google, and other similar hogwash.  The real trick is to post topless pictures of celebrities on the back end of your website and then wait for them to do something stupid so that their name is in the news.

Sure, this is an underhanded tactic that will artificially inflate your stats, but at the end of the day, stats are all that matters.  If you’re trying to brag to some girl you’re hitting on in a bar about how you run a webpage, she won’t care if you’ve got an Angelfire page with 15 lifetime views.  She cares about the big numbers.  You need thousands of hits per day to be of any interest to her.

The same goes for when you’re trying to scam your way into press only events.  The press only gets invited if they have some really big numbers that they can point to.  These event planners want their things to be seen by the most eyeballs possible and wasting a ticket on you and your shitty blog isn’t a good investment for them.  But if your numbers are big, then you’re more likely to be invited.

The reason I know this works is that Tears of Time has gotten a record breaking number of hits today from Google searches for topless pictures of Courtney Love.  Apparently the haggard old bitch decided to take her top off at a show in Brazil (people still want to see her play music?).  Also apparently, an over the hill coke whore’s tits coming out is a newsworthy event.  In normal internet fashion, the flood of searches for her withered mammaries unfolded with some spillover page views landing on a much older image of her that was posted to our site weeks ago in an unrelated article (and subsequently replaced with an image that doesn’t look like porn).

The lesson of the day is to always leave obscure pictures of topless celebrities on the back end of your website because you never know when the Milf Rock fetishists are going to pour out of the woodwork.