Look, I can’t be bothered to go to a grocery store. I just can’t. That’s what personal shoppers are for and I’ve got an army of them. One of the lieutenants in my fleet of personal shoppers told me today that Halloween candy is currently available for sale. Being that it’s August 31st, we’re exactly
Everyone Is Dying To Be In Our Headlines.
Archive for:August, 2011:
Our police force is broken. Any degenerate asshole with enough time to kill can become a police officer in a few short weeks of training, passing only the most minimal challenges of physical strength and mental ability. Usually, the people going out for these jobs are the bottom of the barrel scum of America who
After several Tuesdays without a Traffic Tuesday I have decided to take on this weekly extra. I will most likely undoubtedly be taking this in a different direction than the original intent, making for a more entertaining piece of literature. I’m so angry I don’t even know where to begin. I’m truly and honestly baffled
Idiot’s Guide is a set of step by step instructions for performing every day tasks as told by some one who has never performed such tasks. His only understanding of these concepts comes from second hand sources. Look, I don’t know how to play Fantasy Football, hell I barely understand the sport of football. I
Advice From the Bathroom is a weekly post where D-Sane regurgitates and dissects a piece of advice that an anonymous stranger leaves in the bathroom of his office every week. The ultimate goal is to attempt to uncover why said advice is left for all bathroom goers to see. Advice From the Bathroom: Stop thinking
Something’s wrong with America when the people who are ruining this country are given tax incentives and economic boosts for the horrible, awful crimes they are committing against humanity on a daily basis. No, I’m not talking about corporations. I’m talking about married people and the hobgoblins that spew forth from their nether regions.
Idiot’s Guide is a set of step by step instructions for performing every day tasks as told by some one who has never performed such tasks. His only understanding of these concepts comes from second hand sources. Look, I dunno how to make coffee. I don’t even drink the stuff. Never have, never will. I
An earthquake struck the North East Coast Area at approximately 1:55 PM on Tuesday, August 23rd, 2011. The devastating shaking could be felt from as far as Charlotte NC to Boston MA. The Richter scale measured a record breaking number for this area, at 5.9.
As some of you may have heard, the NFL was on some sort of “lock out” recently. Although it only seemed to be “locked out” during the off season, it managed to rouse enough people into an outrage anyway. Basically, the people who play a game for a living decided they weren’t getting paid enough
This weekend I will be attempting to drink as much as possible in 60 hours. I am pretty poor and also trying to lose weight, so I am attempting to operate within these parameters. I am currently 3 hours into the process and felt that this website should be notified in case I vanish or
Butternuts Beer & Ale Variety 12 Pack Beer: Microbrew Series Produced in: New York I wandered into the nearest liquor store as soon as I had heard the news. One I had never wandered into before, in his honor. It didn’t take me long to find the perfect package to commemorate the occasion, the Butternuts
Yahoo News Classification: News Website Real Classification: Pointless Non-Stories Read By Bored Losers Who Use Yahoo As Their Homepage For Some Reason When it comes to being informed about things other people are doing, I generally don’t give a shit. To put it plainly, the rest of the world can kiss my ass. I’m not
The quality of schools in America today is beyond appalling. Public schools have become nothing more than a ring of assholes forcing Americans to continue to pay them under guise of educating children. In fact, the only thing children learn in schools anymore is how to respond positively to advertisements. You would think these big
To me, there is only one reason why America is so stupid, though having not lived in other countries for extended periods of time, I can’t say that this doesn’t apply to the whole world. It’s really quite simple, and the simplicity of the fact is the very nature of the reason: we baby our
According to some idiots, people don’t care about spoilers. This is false. Maybe some people like to know the ending of things that they haven’t experienced for themselves already, but those people are probably functionally retarded.
Feast of Delicacies is a pictorial guide to elegant dining as enjoyed by a modern foodie. He gazed at the menu, mouth agape. Hunger was on his mind but what could satiate the desire? Ultimately, he chose the old reliable standby, Item #2, but he required a minor adjustment. The accompanying taco would need to
Shoot ‘Em Up Director: Michael Davis Genre: Over the Top, Fantasy Gun-Porn Comedy Let’s start this off right. Shoot ‘Em Up is not meant to be taken seriously. If you think it is meant to be taken seriously, you’re watching the movie wrong. In the first 5 minutes of the film, Clive Owen uses a
For those of you unaware (read: everyone but me and d), We’ve recently been disqualified from Google AdSense due to our sudden popularity after relaunching as a blog. Our first alternative choice for ad revenue was adBrite. Another scam of an advertisement network, but at least they let us know right off the bat I
YouTube Round Up is an infrequently posted feature where we show off some of our favorite YouTube videos. This video is awesome. Basically it proves that news organizations, parents, and generally everyone over the age of 40 (at the time) just don’t understand video games, regardless of the era in which the games debuted. It’s
Crazy, Stupid Love. Director: Dan Fogelman (the genius behind cinematic gems like Cars 2, Bolt, and Fred Claus) Classification: Rom Com Wanting to escape the banality of everyday life, the sister and I ventured to our local cinema to check out Crazy, Stupid Love. I figured it couldn’t be that bad with its “all star” cast